


Birth Day (direct sequel to "The Last Sha")

by samsarapine



Series: The Last Sha [2]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Blanket Permission, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-08
Updated: 2010-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:50:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samsarapine/pseuds/samsarapine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kougaiji has given Jien a new name.  Jien needs to make a new life for it.  What should he do?  Who should he be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birth Day (direct sequel to "The Last Sha")

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theskywasblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskywasblue/gifts).



> For Theskywasblue's birthday celebration prompt: _Could I have some Dokugakuji/Kougaiji? The prompt could be "The first day."_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
|   
---|---  
  
 

**Birth Day**

Someone was moving.

It was irksome, because Jien really, really didn't want to wake up. He floated, warm and mostly asleep, projecting vague threats at the person disturbing him, certain that if he thought hard enough, the threats would take care of the problem and the annoyance would disappear. The smooth silk sheets were tangled perfectly, the pillow smelled of exotic herbs and oils, his body felt heavy and deliciously sated: in all ways the moment was perfect, if it weren't for the other person in the room.

"Dokugakuji?"

Someone laid a hand on Jien's shoulder. "Go 'way." He buried his head deeper. _Let that Doko guy deal with whatever it was. _

"Dokugakuji?" The hand gave him a gentle shake.

_Wait...._

_That's me. Someone's talking to me. I'm the Doko guy._

Jien stirred. "Yaone?"

"Good morning. I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever wake."

Resigned, he yawned and stretched – or started to, at any rate. The healing wound in his chest protested and he dropped his arms, opening his eyes and squinting into the bright sunlight that filled the bedroom until his eyes adjusted and he could see Yaone standing over him.

A warm smile lit her face. "I came to change your bandages and give you your medicine." She slid an arm behind him, which was humiliating as hell because he actually _did_ need her help to sit up.

"This isn't my room."

"No, it isn't." Yaone's voice was gentle. "You're in Kougaiji-sama's rooms. I'm not surprised that you don't remember."

Jien looked around the familiar alcove. The curtains were pulled back, and there was no one else in the room but he and Yaone. "I remember being summoned to Kougaiji, and getting a new name." He frowned. The memories ended right there, and for the life of him, he couldn't find any more.

"That was yesterday. You fainted."

"No!"

She tried to hide a smile as she began to strip away the bandages. "Right at Kougaiji-sama's feet. I've rarely seen him so surprised."

Jien could feel the blood hot in his face. He covered his eyes. "Damn. That's just too pathetic."

"I told you both that it was too early for you to be up and around," she scolded gently, spreading a cool salve across his wound. It immediately eased the pain and Jien sighed in relief.

The situation seemed more dreamlike than his sleep had been. What was he doing here? _Alive and free, when I should have been executed as a traitor. Kou is a damned fool._

"Stop thinking whatever you're thinking." Yaone's hands were cool against his skin. "Everything is fine. In fact, it's more than fine. I'm so happy you're with us, Dokugakuji."

"Dokoko…" Such a long name. And it was his.. "Can't we shorten it?"

Yaone laughed. "Get used to it. Kougaiji-sama rarely uses nicknames." She deftly fastened the bandage. "There. How does that feel?"

Jien moved cautiously. "Good." He stretched. Yes, a twinge, but nothing he couldn't handle. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Yaone repacked her medical supplies. "If you're up to it, there's a hip bath set up for you in the bathroom. Just don't get the bandages wet." She turned her back. "I won't look."

A bath – even a sponge bath – sounded perfect. "Thanks again."

Standing didn't seem so bad, and there was a robe handy, though its white silk and delicate embroidery seemed entirely inappropriate for Jien's use. He put it on anyway. "Er. Clothes?"

"They're in there, too. Breakfast will be waiting when you finish dressing."

It took Jien longer to wash up and dress than he'd optimistically thought, so it wasn't until nearly half an hour had passed before he sat down to a breakfast large enough for a small army. Yaone sat with him, though she only had a cup of tea.

Once he began eating, Jien was ravenous. "This is really good. Thanks."

"You can stop thanking me so much. Just don't get used to this kind of service."

"I won't." Jien grinned. "Except I have another favor to ask. These clothes. They're not really my style." He plucked at the fine linen trousers. "Can't I just wear a uniform or something?" He stuffed a huge bite of dal-soaked naan in his mouth.

Yaone looked at him thoughtfully. "Kougaiji-sama didn't hire you as a soldier."

Jien grunted and swallowed. "Actually, I think he did. He said something about me serving him like Sha Jostra had served him. Sha Jostra was a soldier, right?"

Funny how much skepticism could be conveyed by a lifted eyebrow. "I don't think he meant service in quite the same context. For one thing, I highly doubt that Sha Jostra ever slept in Kougaiji-sama's bed."

Jien felt himself go red for the second time that day. "Yeah. Well. Things have changed, haven't they? I'm not the same guy who slept with Kou." He pushed away his plate; suddenly, he wasn't hungry.

"Oh." The skepticism disappeared; instead, Yaone looked shocked. "I didn't realize—I thought—"

"What?"

"I thought you were in love with Kougaiji-sama," she said in a small voice.

_Like that made a difference._ "What?"

Her eyes brimmed over. "I could have sworn it wasn't an act." Jien reached out and she pulled away, standing up, her expression rapidly turning angry. "He needs to know, but I swear, if you hurt him—"

"Yaone, stop! You weren't wrong about me. I swear! All I meant was—" Jien paused, at a loss for words. "Look. Up to yesterday, I knew who I was. I had someone to protect, someone who means more to me than my life. But that's gone now – I made a promise to Kougaiji, and while it was the right thing to do, it means that I'm probably never going to see that person again. I left that all behind—" Jien's throat constricted.

Gojyo. Fuck.

His decision had made so much sense yesterday.

"Would you excuse me?" He pushed away from the table and stumbled towards the bathroom without waiting for a reply.

"Dokugakuji!"

Jien slammed the bathroom door closed behind him, barely reaching the sink before his breakfast came up. He kept heaving long after his stomach was empty, ignoring the knocks at the door, until his body finally stopped rebelling and he could breathe again.

"Gojyo," he whispered. "Oh god. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

The stench of vomit mocked him: apologies would never be enough, not for betraying the one person who most needed him. "I'm so sorry." _Please. Don't let him be dead. Don't let him be hungry or sick or abandoned. Let him find a family and a home. He's not the one to blame, not for any of it. Please, don't punish him for what dad and mom and I did--_

The knocking finally stopped, but Jien barely noticed. Past and future battled inside him. There were no good choices, only right ones, but for all of the wrong reasons, and trying to make sense of them only left him empty and broken and standing over a sink full of puke. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he was astonished to find his face wet and his body shaking.

No good. What was done was done. He couldn't take back his promise to Kougaiji, just like he couldn't bring his mother back to life, just like he couldn't save Gojyo from whatever was happening to him right now, if he was still alive. Puking in a sink didn't change things. "Pull yourself together," he whispered.

He needed to talk to Kou.

_No._ Kou was the last person he should be talking to.

The idiot would likely release Jien from his promise, and then where would Jien be? It would be another betrayal of someone he loved, in a long, long line of betrayals, and if he knew anything, Jien knew that if he betrayed someone he loved ever again, it would kill whatever good was left inside him.

Gradually, his shaking subsided and the tears on his face dried, leaving his skin feeling tight and dead. He turned on the tap and watched the mess slowly drain away. When it was gone, he rinsed the sink and splashed cool water on his face.

_I've made my decision. If I give in to my regrets, I'll be worthless to Kougaiji._

Taking a deep breath, he opened the bathroom door and walked out.

Kougaiji was sitting at his desk, papers spread in front of him, jotting something down on what looked like a long list.

Jien swore at himself. "Did Yaone come for you?"

Kougaiji's hand paused for a heartbeat, then he continued writing. "Yes."

"I'm fine. Really."

"I believe you. I think it's more important that you believe yourself, however."

And that was the trick of it, wasn't it? Jien sighed. "It'll just take some time, that's all."

"I imagine that whoever you left behind is quite important to you." Kougaiji put his pen aside and turned to face Jien. "You can go back, you know."

"No." Jien shook his head. "I can't. For a whole variety of reasons, not least of which is that I don't know where the person is anymore, or even if he's alive."

"I see."

"I don't regret yesterday's choice."

"If you ever do, I expect you to leave before your regrets endanger anyone."

"I will. But I won't." For all of Jien's doubts, staying with Kougaiji wasn't one of them. He needed to lighten the atmosphere, though. Enough of the heavy stuff. Kougaiji's brow was too furrowed as it was, without Jien adding his shit to the pile. "I guess I'm just having an identity crisis. Thought I'd be at least fifty before I had one of those. Middle-aged men, right?" Jien said, trying to joke.

Kougaiji glanced at him sharply. "Why do you say that?"

"Uh, well…" Jien rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "I guess I still don't really know who I am. I'm not me anymore. And Dokoko—"

"Dokugakuji," Kougaiji said, his expression relaxing a bit.

"Dokugakuji," Jien repeated. "It's a hell of a big name to fill, isn't it?"

"How so?"

"It's a mouthful." Jien shrugged. "Say you have to yell for me during a battle. By the time you get to the fourth syllable, you could be dead."

"That simply means that you must stay by my side at all times."

"Or learn to be omnipotent in a fight," Jien said, only half-joking. "Still, it would probably have been better to name me 'Hey' or 'Help', don't you think?"

"Since I refuse to utter either word during a battle, I think either name would have defeated the purpose."

Jien snorted with laughter. "You're such a snob." He almost received a smile from Kou, whose face softened with affection.

"I tried to give you your past, too," he said quietly. "It's a part of you."

"What?"

"I was simply going to name you 'Dokugaku.' I added 'ji' because, just before you succumbed to the sword's attack, you started to tell me your name."

"That's right." With all of the blood and death and betrayal that had choked that room, Jien had wanted to tell Kougaiji the truth for once, instead of all of the lies he'd told him until that moment. For Kougaiji to remember, and more, for him to have understood the importance of Jien's past to him— Everything slammed down on him for a second time that day. "Kou," Jien choked. "Thank—"

"Don't thank me. A man needs to be whole."

Jien nodded, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Okay. But thanks, anyway."

"Perhaps you should rest for a bit. Yaone said your wound is still only partially healed."

"No. I'm fine." And it wasn't a lie, even though he'd spent the past twenty minutes puking his guts out. _Damn. Yaone really knows her stuff. _

"If it's a good time for you, then, I'd like to introduce you to someone." Kougaiji seemed strangely diffident, almost embarrassed. "However, it can wait until later, or tomorrow if you prefer."

"Sure. I'd like to meet whoever it is." The distraction would be welcome.

Kougaiji's eyes fell. He looked very grave, almost shy. "It's my sister."

"That's right. Lirin, isn't it?"

"Yes." Kougaiji flushed, though Jien thought he looked pleased that Jien had remembered her name.

To give him some room to recover his composure, Jien grinned. There were practical things to take care of as well. "And maybe later we can talk about where I'm gonna stay, and these clothes." He gestured at his elegant white tunic and trousers. "I'm a little afraid to eat. I just know I'm going to spill something."

Kougaiji's pleasure seemed to dissolve, and he stiffened. "Of course. I'll see to the room immediately. But please don't worry about the clothing. It suits you."

"Wait a second. Something's wrong."

"No." Kougaiji shook his head. "I apologize for overlooking something so important."

"Kou." Jien walked over to the desk and put his hands on Kougaiji's shoulders. "I said something that bothered you. What is it?"

Kougaiji looked away. "I had presumed that you'd stay with me."

"Stay with you? You mean, be your roommate?" At Kougaiji's startled glance, Jien suddenly got it. "A bodyguard. That's it, isn't it?"

"No. I thought you'd—I'd hoped you might continue to share my bed." Though Kougaiji's face was crimson, his voice was steady.

Jien was honestly stunned. "You still want me after everything that's happened?"

"I'll take whatever I can get. For however long you'll allow me."

Jien brushed his fingers across Kougaiji's markings. "You idiot—"

"Quite a pretty picture the two of you make."

Startled, Jien shoved his hand into Hell. His sword leapt into it, and instinctively, without thought, he slid slightly in front of Kougaiji, prepared to fight.

A male human and a female youkai stood in the doorway. Jien could smell danger on them.

Kougaiji rose from his chair, glaring at the intruders. "Gyukomen! I haven't given you permission to enter my rooms."

_So that's the mistress that everyone's talking about._ Jien watched her, wary.

Gyukomen stood in the doorway to Kougaiji's quarters, her arms crossed, a small, calculating smile on her lips. She had the coldest eyes Jien had ever seen, and they contained a hint of madness that was all-too-familiar. Sweat formed under his arms and trickled down his back.

"I like you, pretty man," she said, ignoring Kougaiji and meeting Jien's gaze. "I think he's an idiot as well."

Jien stiffened, but Kougaiji shook his head, so Jien didn't reply.

"Now, now, my queen. Don't play rough with the children." The human smiled. Though he wore an amused look on his face, Jien shivered as he looked into the man's eyes. They were empty, yet burned with a fire that seemed to reflect the deepest parts of Hell. Jien instinctively clutched his sword tighter.

"But I'm bored, Nii. I need a bit of entertainment. The big one will do nicely." Her eyes flickered over Jien's body. "Or perhaps we should allow them to take up from the point when we interrupted. Voyeurism can be quite amusing."

"What do you want?" Kougaiji demanded, his voice cool and deadly.

"I wanted to see if the gossip was true. Surprisingly, it is. I didn't know you knew what a dick was made for, Kougaiji."

"My personal life is none of your business. Leave at once."

"Not so fast, boy." Gyukomen walked over to the desk and lifted the papers that Kougaiji had been working on. "I have an assignment for you. Hmm. Troop deployments, I see." She handed the papers to Nii and ran her hand up Jien's arm, making his skin crawl. "And a lover with a cursed sword. You've been busy, haven't you, Kougaiji?"

Kougaiji didn't rise to Gyukomen's bait. "What is the assignment?"

"I'd like you to select some of your soldiers to work with Nii here, on one of his little experiments." She pressed her breasts into Jien's side. "This one would be perfect, wouldn't he, Nii?"

"Quite perfect, my queen." Nii smiled, and the room suddenly felt colder to Jien.

"Dokugakuji isn't a soldier for you to command," Kougaiji said, his voice low and dangerous. "He's a free man."

"Oh? And here I'd heard he was a thief and an assassin. How disappointing." Her long fingernails caressed Jien's chest, then dug in hard enough to make him hiss in pain. She smiled a bit wider and stepped back, her expression demure but her eyes hungry. "Ah well. I'm sure that we'll get to know each other very well over time. Oh. And Kougaiji?" Suddenly Gyukomen's eyes became hard and threatening. "Don't allow Lirin to fraternize with the soldiers. She's becoming quite the little tomboy. I don't want my only precious daughter learning bad habits in the company of rough men."

"I'll make sure that the company she keeps is appropriate."

"I hope so. It would be a shame if she were to be punished for behavior she picked up on the street, as it were. Come, Nii." With a last seductive glance at Jien, she gracefully exited the room, Nii following her with bowed head and calculating eyes.

It wasn't until the door closed behind them that Jien relaxed his battle-ready stance. He turned to Kougaiji and opened his mouth to speak, but Kougaiji shook his head once, sharply, and Jien remained silent. After a moment, Kougaiji relaxed.

"They've moved on."

"Damn. Kougaiji." That bitch. And the human with her… Another shiver ran down Jien's back.

"I want you to become familiar with the laboratories and the scientific personnel."

Jien grunted in agreement. He wanted to know who not to turn his back on. "For any particular purpose?"

"I don't trust her. Especially around my sister. I consider Lirin's protection to be more important than my own, Dokugakuji."

"Okay. I get it." The fierce protective instincts of a brother were familiar ground to him. "I'll keep an eye on her."

"Thank you." For a moment, Jien thought he saw fear in Kougaiji's eyes, but when he looked again, he saw only Kougaiji's usual gravity. "It's nearly time for the mid-day meal. Shall we see if we might be able to eat with Lirin?"

"Sounds good." Jien still felt queasy at the thought of food, but he figured that Yaone would chew him out if he didn't eat something. He placed the sword back in its dimensional sheath and followed Kougaiji from the room.

"Hey, Kou," he said quietly as they walked through the halls of the huge castle, "when we were interrupted—"

"I want you to be sure."

"I've never been more sure." And he hadn't, not when it came to caring for someone. Kougaiji was so isolated, so hungry for companionship. If having Jien in his bed eased some of that, well, Jien was willing to give him everything he had.

He examined Kougaiji from the corner of his eye. _This is what a prince should look like._ Remote, beautiful, with an air of command that no one could mistake. That this man had chosen Jien… He shook his head. No. He really didn't get it. But then, that was the way things sometime went, wasn't it? He just needed to accept that, for now at least, Kougaiji not only wanted him, but seemed to need him.

The problem was that Jien wasn't quite sure what Kougaiji needed him to be. Obviously this Doku-dude. But who was that? Was it something in Jien himself that brought that name to Kougaiji's mind? Or was it someone from Kougaiji's past, someone maybe similar in some ways to Jien?

Whatever explanation existed, Jien meant to find out, and then to do his best to fulfil the role.

Until he found out, though, he needed to keep learning about the people who surrounded Kou. Especially those whom Kou loved, since it sounded like Kougaiji expected him to protect them.

"What's your sister like?" he asked, envisioning a smaller, female version of Kougaiji. Yeah. If she looked anything like her brother, he'd have to agree with Gyukomen: Lirin should probably be discouraged from hanging out with soldiers.

A strange, almost pained look crossed Kougaiji's face. "She's my sister," he said, sounding embarrassed.

"Uh, that didn't exactly answer my question, Kou."

"I don't know what else to say." Now Kougaiji looked nervous. "You'll have to form your own conclusions."

Suddenly Jien envisioned a smaller version of Gyukomen. Was that what worried Kougaiji?

His thoughts were interrupted as Kougaiji paused by a door. "We're here." Jien could hear the sound of excited voices. Kougaiji tapped at the door.

The voices fell silent. Jien heard footsteps approach the door and stop. "Who is it?"

"Yaone," Kougaiji started to say, but the door burst open and the most oddly-dressed child that Jien had ever seen tackled Kou in a blaze of red hair and excited chatter.

"Big brother, you came, you came, you came! Yaone is making meatbuns for lunch! They're my favorite! She's got pork ones and chicken ones though they're not as good as the pork ones and even a few vegetable ones because she said she's trying to watch her weight, but I think it's just because she was hoping you'd show up but you really shouldn't eat just the vegetable ones, 'coz you're too thin, you know. C'mon, you have to eat meatbuns with me!"

Kougaiji, who had somehow remained standing under the onslaught, shot Jien a harried look and allowed himself to be dragged into the rooms. Jien followed, grinning.

So this was Lirin. He took in the tattered remains of what had probably once been a very expensive outfit comprised of flowing pantaloons and a long, intricately-embroidered tunic, which was now reduced to half its length and tucked haphazardly into a broad belt that looked suspiciously like one Jien had seen in Kougaiji's closet and that had obviously been cut down to fit her. Instead of the sandals that most people in the castle seemed to wear, she wore a pair of battered workboots that had seen better days. Most of one leg of the pantaloons was missing. The rooms seemed to be in a similar condition to Lirin's clothing, with pillows and bedclothes littering the floor and discarded clothes flung everywhere.

Yaone caught his eye and gave him an exhausted smile.

"Do you need some help?" Jien asked.

She glanced over to where Lirin was climbing over Kougaiji, holding up various objects for him to examine. "Do you know anything that can calm a hyperactive child?"

"It's good for him." And it seemed to be. Kougaiji had already lost some of his stiff formality and appeared to be listening intently to Lirin's monologue about her day, nodding occasionally with a besmitten expression. "She's not what I expected."

"I wonder if Kougaiji-sama would have been the same, if he'd been allowed to run free."

Jien grunted, trying to envision a young Kougaiji wreathed in ragged clothes and laughter and non-stop babble, but his features kept fading into Gojyo's. Or were Gojyo's features fading into Kougaiji's? Startled, Jien tried to remember Gojyo's face, but it slipped from his mind like a phantom, leaving nothing behind but an image of red eyes and red hair and a deep, deep hunger for affection.

Suddenly his hands were full. He juggled the tray that Yaone had thrust upon him.

"Here. Take this to the table. You'll find extra plates and cutlery in the cupboard by the table."

The steaming meatbuns on the tray smelled wonderful. "Right," he said, his hunger suddenly reawakened. He carried the tray over and managed to find a place for it on the laden sideboard while he fetched settings for himself and Kougaiji.

"Time to eat!" Yaone called cheerfully, carrying a large pitcher of fruit juice.

"Hurrah!" Lirin bounded from Kougaiji's lap and dragged him to the table, stopping abruptly as she noticed Jien. "Who are you?"

_I don't really know, kid._ "My name's Dokuko—"

"That's Dokugakuji," Yaone said. "Now sit down and eat like a civilized person, please. You don't want to embarrass your big brother, do you?"

Lirin ignored her. "Don't you know your own name?"

"It's still new," Jien explained. "I just got it yesterday."

"What was it before?"

"Something else." Jien shook his head as Kougaiji frowned at Lirin, clearly wanting her to drop the subject. Jien smiled at Lirin. "It's not important, though. My new name is what's important now."

Lirin looked at him appraisingly. She suddenly looked disconcertingly like her brother, clearly weighing Jien's presence and the information that she'd received about him. He found himself hoping that he met whatever standards she held for her friends.

"So today is the first day that you woke up as Dokugakuji?" she demanded.

"Yeah."

"Then it's your birthday!" Jien felt a small, strong hand grip his. "C'mon! Maybe we can have birthday cake later!"

Kougaiji and Yaone laughed at Jien's discomfiture as Lirin made him sit next to her, practically hanging on to his arm, and started talking about birthday parties in an excited voice.

"Her birthday was two weeks ago," Yaone said, smiling as she began to serve everyone food.

Lirin bounced and clapped. "Let's have a party tonight!"

"Lirin's quite adept at making parties last long past her bedtime," Kougaiji told Jien. He turned to Lirin. "Not tonight. Perhaps tomorrow night, though."

"I hate waiting!"

"Do you have a present for Dokugakuji, then?"

"Oh!" Lirin's eyes got big. "I forgot! Okay, let's have a party tomorrow. But it had better be a big one!'

"Uh, I don't need—" _a present_, Jien started to say, but Yaone spoke over him.

"I'll take you shopping tomorrow."

"Yay!" Lirin stuffed half a meatbun in her mouth and chewed happily.

"I'll assign some men to escort you," Kougaiji said.

"But Kougaiji-sama--!"

"The point is not up for discussion."

Yaone looked unhappy. "Yes, Kougaiji-sama."

"I could go with them," Jien volunteered. "Unless you need me for anything else."

"I think that you're forgetting that the purpose of the trip is a present for you," Kougaiji said dryly. "Besides, your wounds aren't healed yet."

"Wounds?" Lirin gazed at Jien with 'hero-worship' plainly written across her face. "Can I see?"

"No, you may not," Yaone said firmly. She turned to Kougaiji. "I would like to request martial arts training, Kougaiji-sama."

"No." Kougaiji frowned. "I won't put a woman in danger. We have enough soldiers that we can spare however many are needed to escort you."

Jien looked from Kougaiji to Yaone and back. "I know it's none of my business, but it's actually a pretty good idea, Kou. Instead of putting her in danger, it may actually keep her from it." _Plus it would mean fewer trips into the rough parts of the city for you if she could buy her own medical supplies_, he added silently to himself. "I could teach her some basic moves."

"Really? Thank you so much, Dokugakuji!" Yaone's smile was brilliant. She turned to Kougaiji. "Please, Kougaiji-sama?"

"I want to learn, too!" Lirin shouted.

Jien shrugged. "I can teach them both." He grinned at Kougaiji. "Might burn a little excess energy."

"I don't think you have an appreciation for just how dangerous a little knowledge can be," Kougaiji murmured. He sighed. "I'm uncomfortable with the thought, but I can see that it might useful for them to both learn some basic martial arts moves for defensive purposes."

"Hurray!"

"Thank you, Kougaiji-sama. And thank you, Dokugakuji," Yaone said, beaming. "We'll need to study hard, Lirin."

"Okay!"

"And don't think I'll go easy on you because you're both girls," Jien warned.

Kougaiji looked a bit alarmed at that, but said nothing.

The rest of the meal passed in cheerful banter and good company. Jien could see that Lirin would be a handful, but she was young enough – she only looked to be seven or eight years old at most – that he was pretty sure he could assert enough authority to gain her respect and rein in the worst of her excesses. It was clear that Kougaiji adored her, though it was also clear that he had very little idea about what to do with her. Jien smiled to himself. Maybe he could help Kougaiji learn how to be a big brother.

The thought sobered him. But was that what Kougaiji needed him to do? Or did he have something else in mind for Jien?

After the meal, they left Lirin's quarters, but only after she'd made Jien promise her that he would return tomorrow to begin the self-defense lessons. He grinned to himself, looking forward to having something concrete to do.

Jien spent the rest of the day following Kougaiji, attending meetings with generals, reviews of the soldiers, discussions of security measures needed at both the castle and the barracks level, and a thousand other things that Kougaiji seemed to be responsible for overseeing.

But Kou said nothing about Jien taking any of those responsibilities on, or even having any assigned role under Kougaiji's command.

They took dinner together in Kougaiji's quarters, and still nothing was said about Jien's duties. Jien really hated the uncertainty. On top of that, his wound ached, and though he tried, he was barely able to keep his exhaustion from showing. It had been fun to meet Lirin, but he still didn't understand why Kougaiji had needed him to be a part of all of the other meetings and talks. Kougaiji had sworn him to service, had given him a new name, had taken him around the castle and introduced him to a myriad of duties and responsibilities, and Jien was still as clueless as ever about what Kougaiji wanted him to do.

He finally blurted, "Who do you need me to be?" as Kougaiji poured tea for them.

"I don't understand," Kougaiji said.

"Sorry." Jien frowned, not wanting to upset Kou, but still needing answers. "I could have phrased it better, I guess. But it all boils down to the fact that you gave me a new name and a new life. What do you need me to do with them?"

Kougaiji frowned. "I won't define your life."

"But it's yours."

"No." Kou's voice was low and emphatic. "Don't say that. We've only known each other a few weeks, but you've always made it plain that you live your own life and make your own decisions. That's the man I know you to be. If you won't own your life and choices now that you have a new opportunity to define yourself, then leave."

"Kou." Jien bowed his head, stricken. "I don't want to leave you."

"I won't accept you as anything less than my consort and equal."

Kougaiji's words took Jien's breath away. He stared at the prince in disbelief. "Shit."

The clothes, Lirin, his name – it all made sense, except it didn't, of course. But it did to Kougaiji, and Jien realized that he should have guessed.

The damned, idealistic idiot. "That's insane!"

"I see. Well, then, I suppose your current dilemma depends on whether or not my lack of sanity affects your choices." Kou calmly sipped his tea.

"Why? You can have anyone."

"I only want the man I've come to know."

"But I wasn't a good person!" Jien protested. "I was a thief and a murderer and a traitor!"

"And I'm not?"

Jien paused. They'd had this argument before, hadn't they?

Kou was right. They were alike. Just as Jien had betrayed his mother to save Gojyo, Kougaiji was prepared to betray his father to save his mother. Just as Jien had killed innocent people as sacrifices to his inability to control his sword's hunger, Kougaiji was prepared to kill those who stood in the way of saving youkai from his father's hunger. Kougaiji needed someone at his side who knew just how much those betrayals cost, yet still stood by him.

Jien thought about the people who Kougaiji could trust. It made him feel sick to realize that there was only Yaone. And while Yaone possessed the loyalty, loyalty wasn't enough.

Kougaiji needed someone who understood the torment of choices made when no choice was right. He needed someone who was willing to do whatever was necessary to save the youkai kingdom. Even if it included betrayal and, perhaps, the murder of innocents.

It hurt; there was no denying it. Jien had hoped to turn over a new leaf, become an honest man, someone who Gojyo could look up to. But maybe that simply wasn't in his nature. Maybe his strengths didn't lie with being a person who lived by society's rules, but in the fact that he'd committed crimes time and time again because society's rules conflicted with what was _right._

That route was a dangerous one, though. He suspected that he and Kougaiji would have to pay a pretty high price for it in the end.

Still, thinking about it from Kou's point of view, it made a lot more sense. If they both did their best to live with integrity and kept the good of others in mind, maybe they wouldn't go to hell when they died.

Jien shook his head. Fat chance of that little fantasy coming true.

He sighed, feeling suddenly overwhelmed and exhausted. "I get it. Okay. You've got a deal. But instead of 'consort,' can we say that I'm your advisor or bodyguard or something?"

Kougaiji frowned. "I won't belittle your importance to me."

"Then don't think of it as a change of status, just as a political… I don't know, a political phrase or something? At least until things settle down. We'll still know how things stand between us."

"We shouldn't give in to politics, Dokugakuji."

"I think we'll need to, at least in some of the little things," Jien said frankly. "Kou, we're walking a tightrope here. Let the rest of them think what they want to about me. It just means you might have an ace up your sleeve if they're fooled by it."

"You'd sacrifice your position in the court for that?"

"Well, it would keep me from having to wear these kinds of clothes all the time, wouldn't it?" Jien's teasing grin faded as new lines appeared on Kougaiji's forehead. "Look, I know you don't like it. I'm just giving you my advice. I won't fight you on this."

Kougaiji remained silent for a few moments. "I want to think about it more," he finally said. "I won't be unfair to you simply for the sake of politics."

Jien nodded his head. "I get it. Whatever you decide, that's fine with me." The task ahead of them was daunting. Jien shook his head and suddenly grinned. "We can be fools together, I guess."

"Who are you calling a fool?" Kougaiji retorted, a brief smile flickering over his lips. He sobered. "Besides, it seems to me that you've already begun building your new life. Teaching Yaone and Lirin how to fight, surviving Gyukomen, advising me on political actions – quite a full first day, wouldn't you say?"

"Damn. I love you, you idiot—" Jien stopped in horror. "Oh, god, I didn't mean—"

"The feeling is mutual." Kougaiji's eyes burned.

"I want you," Jien said helplessly. "I want you so bad." He reached toward Kougaiji and the room went bright with pain. He hunched over, gasping.

Kougaiji was at his side in an instant, supporting him. "You've been in pain and you haven't let either Yaone or me know?"

"Er, it sort of crept up on me." Jien tried to wave it away as being nothing to worry about, but it was too late, because Kougaiji, slight as he was, picked Jien up and carried him into the bed alcove, firmly ordered him not to move, and sent for Yaone, who showed up almost immediately, alternately scolding Jien for not telling her that he needed more medication and apologizing for not following up with him earlier.

"You're not responsible for running after me, Yaone." Jien winced as she worried her lower lip with her teeth and spread the numbing salve over his wound. "I should have said something earlier."

"Yes, you should have!" she retorted. "If this happens again, I'll make you sorry."

"It feels much better now," Jien said contritely. "Thank you. And I really am sorry I didn't say anything earlier. I didn't notice it until something Kou said made me want to— Oh, crap," he moaned. "You don't need to know all that. I'm going to shut up now."

He saw Yaone fight back a smile, but when she spoke, she was her usual professional self. "There. Medicated and bandaged. I'll come back in the morning to check on you and re-apply the salve. You should be fine until then." She looked sideways at Jien, and the smile broke through. "If you don't overexert yourself, of course."

"You're evil, you know that?" Jien muttered, feeling his face flush bright.

She shook her head and stood, still smiling. "You're too easy, that's all." Packing her supplies, she flashed him another teasing smile. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Uh, since I'm built a little different than you are, no promises."

Yaone laughed. "Now who's being evil?" She picked up her bag. "Good night, Dokugakuji." She walked to the door and paused, bowing to Kou. "Good night, Kougaiji-sama."

"Good night, Yaone." Kougaiji waited until the door closed behind her, then walked over to the alcove and stood by the bed. "You should sleep."

Jien pulled back the covers. "There's room for two."

"Your injury—"

"—is fine. Really." Jien moved over. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to. But it's your bed, after all."

"It's our bed." Kougaiji studied him, and Jien could see desire in his eyes.

"Okay," Jien agreed. "But maybe you'd like to share it with me, then? Uh, after you take your clothes off, of course. I really hate sleeping with someone who wears boots to bed."

He was pleased to startle a laugh from Kou. "You're quite picky, aren't you?"

Jien grinned. "Are you going to strip, or should I leave this warm, comfortable bed and rip off your clothes?"

"Far be it from me to ask you to leave your bed," Kougaiji murmured. He stripped quickly and paused by the bed, his cock half-erect. "I don't need," he gestured at it, suddenly looking a bit embarrassed.

"I do." Jien pulled Kougaiji into the bed, running his palm over Kou's cock and feeling it harden further. "You're so gorgeous. Let me make you feel good."

Kougaiji settled against Jien and took Jien's face into his hands. "I want you inside me, then."

"Fuck." Jien bridged the gap between their mouths and then they were kissing, their teeth grinding together as Kou pressed closer. Jien groaned and rolled on top of him, flexing his hips and rubbing their cocks against each other, hard length frotting against hard length as they each gasped into the other's mouth.

Jien pressed his forehead to Kou's. "You feel so good." He ground his hips in deeper, feeling Kou's cock slide hard and bruising against his stomach.

"Fuck me."

Kou's quiet command sent shivers through Jien. "Oh, god," he moaned. "Yes." He started to reach for the bedside table, but Kougaiji stopped him.

"I don't need preparation. I want you to take me. Hard."

"But—"

"I don't want anything between us," Kougaiji said intensely. "Not even oil. We're bound by blood and semen. Those are enough. Those are all we need."

Jien froze above Kougaiji. "I can't believe how much I love you," he whispered, heat flashing through him. He shivered. "Spit, at least."

"As long as it's only ever us."

Jien nodded. "Only ever you, Kou. I swear." He kissed Kougaiji hard, sat up and slid his hands under Kou's legs, lifting him.

Kou's opening flexed as Jien looked at it. He smiled and met Kou's eyes.

"Now," Kougaiji said.

Jien nodded. Not daring to touch himself, and taking Kou at his word, he dribbled saliva onto Kougaiji's hole, angled his hips until the head of his cock pressed against it, and pushed.

The raw, dry entry burned, Kougaiji's ass gripping him tight, so tight and perfect that it _hurt_, and Kou was right, there was nothing between them. Kou moaned and grabbed Jien's ass, pulling him in deeper, until Jien's balls pressed against Kou's. Jien shifted and lifted Kou until Kougaiji was nearly doubled over on his shoulders.

The angle was perfect. Jien pulled back a bit, then snapped his hips forward.

Kou's eyes widened and he gasped. "More."

Jien set a slow, hard pace, rocking his hips into Kougaiji's ass, not withdrawing with each thrust so much as pushing in as deeply as he could. Kougaiji groaned, his insides gripping Jien so hard that it was almost impossible to move, but Jien did anyway, hitting deep inside Kou and watching Kou's pained, desperate expression as Jien rubbed the head of his cock over Kou's prostate again and again.

Kou had never looked more beautiful to Jien, his legs spread and draped over Jien's shoulders, his claws shredding the sheets as he gripped them in great handfuls, his mouth open, panting, and sweat running from his body, his hair spread across the pillows like a sea of silken fire. Jien rocked harder, mesmerized by the way he was moving Kou's body over the silk sheet and the pillows, driving him into the bed again and again.

Kou arched higher and closed his eyes.

"Dokugakuji."

The name was less than a whisper, only a breath and a movement, and then Kougaiji was coming, his cock untouched and red and impossibly hard and perfect, a new stripe of semen landing on his stomach each time Jien hit his prostate, and suddenly Jien wasn't Jien anymore, because the way that Kou had said his new name told him who he was.

He was Kou's lover and sword, his conscience and shield, his master and servant.

The knowledge was so huge and breathtaking that he felt both terrified and triumphant as he came deep in Kou's body, his old life draining away and the new one flooding his heart with a soul-deep certainty even as he pumped the last of his seed into Kougaiji.

"I'm yours," Jien whispered. "Always."

"Yes," Kougaiji breathed, his body suddenly slumping, slack and sated.

Jien gently lowered him to the bed and withdrew his softened cock from Kou's body.

He cradled Kougaiji until his breathing was soft and even, all of his defenses lowered, even the alert tension that Jien – no, not Jien, he had a new name now, and a new purpose – remembered from when he'd been merely a nameless prostitute and potential assassin, dissolved in the face of the utter trust Kougaiji expressed through his unconscious relaxation.

"I'm yours," Dokugakuji whispered again, and kissed Kou's sleeping eyes.

 


End file.
